We’ve all been there – someone challenges our ideas in a meeting, throws us a tricky question during a presentation, or engages in a way that makes us uncomfortable. It’s what many of us would call “Challenging Behaviour”.

These moments often leave us feeling frustrated, defensive, or even threatened, especially when they occur in ‘High-Stakes Situations’. But what if we could respond to them with Curiosity and Empathy rather than reacting out of discomfort?

What Is Challenging Behaviour?

For most of us, challenging behaviour occurs when someone’s communication doesn’t align with our expectations or worldview.

These interactions can provoke strong reactions in us because they feel disruptive; whether it’s a colleague questioning your input during a meeting or an audience member throwing a curveball during a presentation.

In those moments, we feel judged. We interpret their actions as a threat to our competence, authority, or credibility.

Consider these scenarios:

• You share an idea in a meeting, and someone questions your logic in a way that feels like a personal attack.
• You’re delivering a presentation, and an audience member asks a question that seems intended to undermine you.
• A senior leader engages with you in a way that makes you feel small or unimportant.

These interactions feel even more intense when there’s a lot on the line—when you’re in a ‘High-Stakes Situation’, where the result of the communication has significant consequences.

The Fight-or-Flight Response

At the core of how we handle challenging behaviour is the human need for safety.

When someone challenges us unexpectedly, it triggers the brain’s fight-or-flight response, our natural reaction to perceived threats. This response is designed to protect us in situations of danger, but in communication, it can lead us to react impulsively or defensively instead of responding thoughtfully.

What we’re really saying to ourselves in these moments is: “How can I remain calm and feel safe when everything around me feels out of control – UNKNOWN?”

The Mask Behind Challenging Behaviour

When faced with challenging behaviour, our default response is often to label it negatively: “He’s aggressive,” “She’s angry,” or “They’re trying to embarrass me.”

But what if there’s more to it?

In workshops, I often run an exercise where I ask participants to observe an image and describe what they see. Most will say things like:

• “He’s really frustrated.”
• “She’s angry.”
• “They’re being difficult.”

Then, I ask them to dig deeper. What might be behind that behaviour? Perhaps:

• “They’re passionate about the topic.”
• “They’re uncomfortable with silence.”
• “They’re engaging this way because they care deeply and want to be heard.”

This exercise highlights an essential truth: People wear masks, and the behaviour we see on the surface may not reflect their true feelings or motivations. Often, challenging behaviour stems from someone’s own fears, frustrations, or insecurities.

Shifting Your Mindset: Curiosity Over Reactivity

If we want to handle challenging behaviour more effectively, we must take a step back before reacting. Instead of jumping to conclusions or making assumptions about someone’s intentions, we can ask ourselves:

• Who really “owns” this behaviour? Is it about them or me?
• What might be driving their actions?
• How can I remain curious and open, rather than defensive?

As Stephen Covey wisely advises in his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, we should always “seek first to understand, then to be understood.” By focusing on understanding what drives someone’s behaviour, we not only reduce our own stress but also create space for empathy. 

How Empathy Helps

Empathy is the antidote to fear, particularly fear of the unknown. When we practice empathy, we shift our mindset from seeing others as threats to viewing them as complex individuals with their own stories and challenges. This doesn’t mean excusing bad behaviour, but it does mean recognising that the behaviour we find challenging may have deeper roots than we realise.

Practical Strategies for Managing Challenging Behaviour

Here are a few steps you can take the next time you encounter challenging behaviour:

• Pause before reacting. Take a breath and give yourself a moment to process what’s happening.
• Ask who “owns” the behaviour. Is this about the other person’s fears, frustrations, or unmet needs?
• Remain curious. Try to understand what might be driving the other person’s behaviour.
• Seek to understand. Ask clarifying questions and listen without judgment.

By practicing these strategies, you’ll find that what once felt like a threat can become an opportunity for deeper connection and understanding. You’ll also feel more grounded and less reactive in the face of challenging behaviour.

Final Thought

Challenging behaviour doesn’t have to throw you off balance. The more you practice curiosity, empathy, and understanding, the more resilient you’ll become in handling difficult interactions. Stay safe, remain curious, and remember—what’s behind the mask might surprise you.

Contact me to arrange a Strategy Session that will give you the tools to set you up for success.

The Interplay of Instinct and Reason

How many of us would willingly declare that in their current role, they have loads of time?

Try it out at work. Ask someone if they actually have time?

It is our ‘perception of time’ and the judgement of others in critical moments that messes with our ability to make great decisions.

In these moments, our instincts and emotions can clash with our rational minds, creating a paradoxical tension that can be challenging to navigate. This interplay between gut instinct and logical reasoning is particularly evident in high-pressure scenarios, where the consequences of our choices can have significant impacts.

Can you recall a time when you faced a high-stakes decision where your emotions and rational mind seemed to be at odds? How did you navigate that experience, and what did you learn from it?

The Emotional Battleground

When faced with high-pressure situations, our emotions can become a battleground within us. Fear, uncertainty, self-doubt, and anxiety can surge, urging us to retreat to safety and familiarity. Our hearts may race, our palms may sweat, and our minds may flood with doubts, questioning our abilities and worthiness. This emotional turmoil can cloud our judgment and hinder our decision-making process.

What are some of the emotional barriers or fears that hold you back from embracing discomfort or making bold decisions in high-stakes situations?

Stepping into the Spotlight

I have found myself in countless high-pressure situations, standing before audiences of varying sizes, my heart pounding in my chest. “Do I stay or do I go?” “Tony… remind me why you are doing this?” These thoughts race through my mind as I step onto the stage, the weight of expectation settling upon me.

I vividly remember a particularly daunting experience in Boston back in the 90s, where I took the stage in front of 3,000 people with minimal rehearsal, and customers who had paid a fortune to see the show. The stakes were incredibly high, and the pressure was palpable. My heart was beating so loudly that I was convinced the front rows could hear it.

Can you recall a time when you faced a high-stakes performance, presentation, or decision that triggered intense emotions? How did you navigate those emotions, and what did you learn from the experience?

The Gap Between Expectations and Reality

In high-pressure situations, we often find ourselves grappling with the gap between external expectations and our internal sense of self. The pressure to meet the expectations of others – whether it’s our organization, stakeholders, clients, or audience – can clash with our own doubts and insecurities, creating a dissonance that can be challenging to reconcile. This gap can significantly impact our decision-making process, the perception that others have of us and our ability to embrace growth opportunities.

How do you typically respond when faced with the gap between external expectations and your internal sense of self in high-stakes situations? What strategies do you employ to bridge this gap and make sound decisions?

Embracing the Emotional Landscape

To truly navigate high-pressure situations and make sound decisions, we must learn to embrace and channel the emotional landscape within us. This journey involves acknowledging and accepting the full spectrum of emotions – from the exhilaration of instinct and intuition to the fear and uncertainty that often accompany high-stakes communication.

By cultivating self-awareness and emotional intelligence, we can learn to recognize and channel our emotions in a constructive manner. Instead of allowing fear and self-doubt to hold us back, we can harness the power of our emotions to fuel our growth, sharpen our decision-making, and propel us forward.

What practices or strategies do you incorporate into your life to develop greater self-awareness and emotional intelligence in high-pressure situations? How can you learn to channel your emotions in a way that empowers you to embrace discomfort and make sound decisions?

The Role of Mindfulness and Emotional Regulation

One powerful tool I have personally discovered for navigating emotions in high-pressure situations is the practice of mindfulness. By cultivating a present-focused awareness, we can observe our thoughts and feelings without becoming overwhelmed by them. Mindfulness techniques, such as deep breathing exercises and meditation, can help us regulate our emotions, reducing the intensity of negative feelings and promoting a sense of calm and clarity.

How can you incorporate mindfulness practices into your routine to better manage emotions and improve decision-making in high-stakes scenarios at work?

Building Resilience Through Experience

While embracing discomfort and navigating high-stakes decision-making can be challenging, it is through these experiences that we develop resilience and strengthen our emotional intelligence. Each time we face a high-pressure situation and successfully navigate the emotional landscape, we gain valuable insights and build confidence in our ability to make sound decisions under stress.

Contact me to arrange a Strategy Session that will give you the tools to set you up for success.

The Binary Nature of Comfort and Discomfort

We humans tend to be drawn towards the things that make us feel good and repelled by the things that make us feel bad… naturally. It is an either-or sort of thing. That is the binary nature of comfort and discomfort.

We instinctively avoid discomfort and uncertainty. This inclination is deeply rooted in our survival instincts, as we seek safety and security in the known. However, it is precisely this tendency that can hinder our personal growth and prevent us from reaching our full potential.

Stepping out of our comfort zones and embracing discomfort is a necessary part of the human experience when we venture into the realm of the unknown. Whether it’s communicating in challenging situations, taking on leadership roles, navigating organisational changes, or facing unexpected events like a pandemic, these circumstances test our resilience and push us beyond our familiar boundaries. This then triggers feelings of fear and uncertainty.

Can you recall a time when you faced discomfort or uncertainty? How did you navigate through that experience, and what valuable lessons did you learn from it?

When ‘Fear’ knocks on your door, do you open the door to an unwanted visitor or do you keep the door closed? Is the presence of this visitor so repulsive that the only way of taming it is to secure the door with every means you have, including bolts and barricades? Or do you recognise that this visitor has their purpose and deserves to be acknowledged… even if they make you feel bad?

Empowering Courage and Embracing the Unknown

In my work, I have observed that one of the most significant challenges is empowering individuals to step into the unknown with courage. By providing a roadmap for embracing uncertainty, we can unlock human potential and enable people to take on challenges with resilience and persistence.

Embracing the unknown requires a willingness to confront our fears and doubts head-on. It demands that we see discomfort not as a barrier but as an opportunity for self-discovery, personal growth, and professional development.

What steps can you take to cultivate the courage needed to step out of your comfort zone and embrace the unknown in your personal or professional life?

The Power of Small Stretches

While the idea of embracing discomfort may seem daunting, it is often the small stretches that yield the most significant growth and rewards. By focusing on incremental challenges and seeking support along the way, we can gradually expand our comfort zones and unlock our true potential.

Small stretches can manifest in various forms, such as speaking up in a meeting, taking on a new project, learning a new skill, or trying a new activity. Each time we take a small step out of our comfort zone, we create an opportunity to learn, grow, and build resilience. This can lead to increased confidence and self-assurance.

What is one small stretch you can take in your personal or professional life that could lead to meaningful growth, development, and a sense of accomplishment?

The Gold in Reflection

While the journey through discomfort can be challenging, the true value lies in the reflection that follows. It is in this reflection that we can fully appreciate our achievements, recognise our capabilities, and gain the confidence to continue stretching ourselves further.

Regular reflection allows us to pause, evaluate our progress, and identify areas for growth and improvement. It enables us to celebrate our victories, no matter how small, and draw insightful lessons from our experiences. This process of reflection not only reinforces our growth mindset but also fuels our motivation to continue embracing discomfort and pushing our boundaries.

‘Intentional Reflection’ has changed my own practise as a business leader, facilitator and coach… even when it feels bad.

How can you incorporate regular reflection into your daily or weekly routine to fully appreciate and learn from the experiences of embracing discomfort and stepping out of your comfort zone?

Embracing discomfort is not about climbing Everest (although, why not?); it’s about taking small, consistent steps towards growth, self-actualisation, and personal fulfilment. By cultivating the courage to step into the unknown and embracing the challenges that come our way, we can unlock our full potential and achieve the vision we have for ourselves and for our organisations.

Remember, the journey towards growth and self-discovery is not a linear path but a winding road filled with both triumphs and setbacks. It is in these moments of discomfort and uncertainty that we have the opportunity to learn, grow, and ultimately transcend our limitations, becoming more resilient and adaptable individuals.

By embracing the emotional landscape within us, honouring our instincts and intuition, and courageously navigating uncomfortable situations, we can unlock the depths of our potential and create a life that aligns with our values, goals, and aspirations.

Contact me to arrange a Strategy Session that will set these small steps in motion.

Remember that Your People Drive Your Results

“Potential is a continual practice – not a destination.”

This quote is a potent reminder for any organisation that wishes to create a thriving, high-performing culture. Are you prioritising your employees’ growth and development? Neglecting the ‘actualisation’ of human potential within your organisation can have severe consequences, such as a loss of top talent, decreased morale, and diminished productivity.

What do I mean by ‘actualising human potential’. Put simply, this is development of confidence and the empowerment of all individuals, no matter what their title is. In particular, it is empowering all people to communicate their messages with clarity, conviction and calm in situations where the outcomes matter.

At Passion and Purpose we refer to this as ‘Communication Performance’. The balance that we strike between our self-talk (what we tell ourselves and what we feel) and the messages we deliver. When we get the balance right between our internal and our external experience – we create a much more positive communication experience for everyone – including ourselves.

Have you witnessed the impact of deprioritising employee growth and development initiatives in your organisation or elsewhere? How did it affect morale, productivity, and overall performance? 

Fostering a Service-Oriented Culture

For those organisations that fail to prioritise employee growth and development, an unhealthy, perhaps even toxic culture can quickly breed by default. No one wins when an organisation neglects its people’s potential. A critical mistake leaders often make is failing to view employees as the drivers of customer service and experience. Rather – a workforce is often viewed as a means to an end.

How service-oriented is your company towards internal and external customers? What steps can you take to foster a culture that prioritises continuous improvement and exceptional service?

Nurturing Potential at Every Stage

The greatest sustainable competitive advantage lies in an organisation’s ability to nurture and develop its employees at every stage of their career journey. This includes fostering leadership skills and ‘communication confidence’ from the very beginning. It’s a bit like laying a strong educational foundation early on, rather than focusing on that ridiculous sprint towards the end of our high-school education – the HSC.

Evaluate your organisation’s employee development efforts, from onboarding to leadership training. Are you nurturing potential at every stage, or primarily focused on specific groups? Where can you make strategic investments to cultivate a culture of continuous growth and development?

The Exponential Benefits of Actualising Human Potential

When an organisation prioritises and invests in actualising its people’s potential, the benefits are exponential and far-reaching. Some of these benefits include:

– Improved coaching, communication, and leadership skills throughout the organisation

– Better interactions and higher-quality output from engaged and continuously improving employees

– A cascade effect where employees elevate and inspire those around them, creating a self-sustaining cycle of growth and development

How can you start unlocking more of your employees’ potential today? Consider the long-term impact of investing in your people’s growth and how it can drive spectacular growth for your organisation.

From Fearful to Empowered

Actualising human potential requires a fundamental shift in mindset – from one of being fearful of voicing up to being empowered to embody the person we wish ourselves to be.

The idea of Empowerment must be embedded into the very fabric of the organisation, fostered through leadership commitment, dedicated resources, and a culture that celebrates learning and achievement across all areas of an organisation.

As you prioritise the actualisation of human potential within your organisation, you will not only unlock the full capabilities of your workforce but also create a sustainable competitive advantage that drives long-term success. Remember, your people… ALL of your people – are the driving force behind your results, and investing in their confidence has a direct impact on their performance. Better performance leads to greater results which is an investment in the future of your organisation.

Contact me to arrange a Strategy Session that will set this mindset shift in motion.

Some experts estimate that as much as 75 percent of the population has some level of anxiety regarding public speaking

Assuming the multiple sources indicating this statistic are verifiable – this is alarming.

I would suggest it is more like 98%… if we are honest with ourselves.

When we experience this phenomenon, we experience a physiological response and a corresponding mindset. Some of the self-talk might go something like this:

Am I good enough?

“I’m being judged”

“I’m being watched”

“I’m not confident”

“I’m a fraud”

“I’m introverted – this is not natural”

“What if I forget what I’m meant to be saying”

“What if I don’t know my subject matter”

These ‘narratives’ are typically left unattended for a lifetime and they prevent us from achieving our potential. They appear to be Very real roadblocks because of the way we ‘experience’ them. People tend to resign themselves to the narrative.

I have had the privilege of coaching clients through some terribly challenging blocks around public speaking. Some blocks are so potent they cause a complete ‘confidence shut-down’. Avoidance doesn’t work – the more senior we are the more we need to be the front person. And why shouldn’t we be? We know our stuff, we have much to contribute, we are trusted advisors.

“The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public” (George Jessel, Multi-Talented American Actor)

It’s just that everything we know and everything we prepare can go out the window because of the emotional triggers we set off. Triggers are formed at various stages of our lives and some are universal.

Universal Trigger: Speech Anxiety – 75% of us

Triggers can happen when we are under scrutiny… sometimes a status imbalance. I’ve seen accomplished speakers and performers experience it. It has various names; performance anxiety, speech anxiety, panic, stage fright…

5 Steps to conquer this phenomenon

1. Be mindful of bench-marking yourself against others. Repeat the following sentence when you wake up, before, during and after a performance and when you go to bed: “I am good enough”
2. You don’t need to be Shakespeare to tell your stories – your authentic voice is more than enough. In fact, when we stifle our stories we are in grave danger
3. Seek feedback. Yes, actually ask for it. It’s tough (I’m guilty of this) because we are wired to enjoy praise – it feels good. Let’s learn to lean into discomfort. Even Shakespeare had help – his acting troupe would always provide valuable feedback
4. Your stories are a mechanism that not only captivate the listener, they empower you as a speaker. Learn to create messages that drive your purpose
5. Change begins with one step – commit to it and your momentum will follow

We would do well to draw inspiration from the sporting world to understand that sportspeople are performing all the time. They are under continual pressure to be at the top of their game. In order to achieve such a goal they must address all the technical stuff (which in itself may involve various coaches) and they must build the right mindset, which also requires specialised coaching.

Our ability to engage an audience – to Own our Space – to be in the zone when we communicate under pressure – requires a process and we need support to do it.